Sunday, March 13, 2011
To make it possible for everyone to attend church next Sunday, we are going to have a special "No Excuse Sunday".
Cots will be placed in the foyer for those who say, "Sunday is my only day to sleep in."
There will be a special section with lounge chairs who feel that our pews are too hard.
Eye drops will be available for those with tired eyes from watching T.V. late Saturday night.
We will have steel helmets for those who say " The roof would cave in if I ever came to church."
Blankets will be furnished for those who think the church is too cold and fans for those who say it is too hot.
Score cards will be available for those who wish to list the hypocrites present.
Relatives and friends will be in attendance for those who can't go to church and cook dinner, too.
We will distribute "Stamp Out Stewardship" buttons for those who feel that church is always asking for money.
One section will be devoted to trees and grass for those who like to seek God in nature.
Doctors and nurses will be in attendance for those who plan to be sick on Sunday.
The sanctuary will be decorated with both Christmas poinsettias and Easter lilies for those who never have seen the church without them.
We will provide hearing aids for those who can't hear the preacher and cotton for those who say he is to loud.